Dear “Good Guys”,

You men know who you are and you know what you have endured for being “good guys”, and you’ve come a long way to get there, while diligently working on yourselves as prescribed in Scripture (e.g., Ephesians 4:22–24; Colossians 3:9-10; Romans 12:2; Philippians 2:12; Galatians 6:4). I am writing this letter to you for a number of reasons and also to give you some timely advice and careful caveats. Here are the reasons:

First, you generally do not get a good press because it is falsely put about that you are virtually non-existent. “Where have all the good men gone?”, many women say, as if you barely exist or are even just a myth. Not only that but many (if not most) women spend their younger days seeking out dangerous and ‘on-the-edge’ bad guys to fornicate with because they would find a “good guy” boring and not stimulating enough — regarding him to be too much of a “goody-two-shoes”, or “Mister Perfect” (though those are complete misjudgements and very silly slurs, for that is not at all how a genuinely “good guy” sees himself). Then, when they have grown tired of all that chaos in their lives and realise that the ‘biological clock’ is ticking away, they wonder why a “good guy” is not forthcoming when they have that kind of jaded ‘body count’ in their background.

The raw truth is that the reason the “good guys” are not too prevalent in the kind of venues where the average woman expects to meet a guy these days is because the “good guys” do not inhabit such places and generally keep themselves away from the distraction of women in order to build a life in their younger years around their character and capabilities. Later, when they have created a solid foundation, they will venture “out there” to discover if there could be a woman in the world who may be suitable to share that ‘haven’ they have created (but they won’t hold their breath as they know that they are few and far between). More about this below.

Second, I am writing this letter to the “good guys” because I do not want you to be exploited or abused, as many of you will be if you find yourself in a relationship with one of the many women displaying Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), or the increasingly huge number of women who display what is known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD, see https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9762-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd for the salient details) who take advantage of your character, having no understanding of who you really are, while painting you to their friends and relatives as being toxic and abusive because you see through them and because you rightly set up boundaries and point out to them aspects of their abusive nature. This, of course, is refuted by many women who claim that only men can be abusive, whereas women are all ‘sweetness and light’, so they claim. Oh, and pigs can fly! (NB: It is a feature of this fallen world that these so-called “personality disorders” never make people behave more humbly, nicely, and gratefully but instead turn them into a veritable corrupted nightmare who are so warped and crazed that they could bend light if that was possible).

Third, I just really feel that this is a subject worth opening up in a very challenging but refreshing manner. While many women would be horrified by what I am writing here, the “good guys” and correspondingly “good gals” will, I trust and hope, be cheering all this on, while aspiring to it.

So… first I will state what I mean by the words “a good guy”.

I. The Qualifications of a “Good Guy”

First and foremost, a genuinely “good guy” — who any “good gal” would want to spend her life with — would have to be an authentic disciple of Christ rather than a mere churchgoer or someone who just calls himself a “Christian”. The kind of “good guy” to whom I am referring is a regenerated being who is indwelt by the Holy Spirit and who therefore acts accordingly. He is devoted to the cause of Christ and he has a penitent soul. He will also have “done the work” which is part-and-parcel of progressive sanctification in order to render himself free of the kind of neuroses and disorders which could inevitably mess up a marriage.

A genuinely “good guy” is self-aware, sensitive, and able to empathise. He has enough true love in him to power a rocket to Pluto, He realistically knows how to help others without being sucked into the vortex of over-altruism and self-centred addiction to good works. He is a problem-solver and he loves to be useful.

A genuinely “good guy” is chivalrous and even self-sacrificial. He is someone who really would lay down his life for the one he loves. He is a man who loves to champion the underdog. He could never be a snob or discriminate against others based on social standing or material possessions. He is generally jovial and knows that if he is to be a help to others then he cannot afford to wallow in depression or dejection. He is the kind of man to whom people are drawn in order to find counsel and encouragement.

A genuinely “good guy” is one who emits dynamic masculine energy rather than the weak, cowed, ineffectual and castrated type of character which has been created as a result of feminism and the general crushing of the masculine spirit as being “toxic” or overly “macho”. These effeminate men are everywhere in mainstream churches these days so a “good gal” would have a hard job there finding a genuinely masculine “good guy”.

Well, those were just a few pointers for those readers who are taking an interest in the subject of this article out of inquisitiveness and curiosity. Now we will go on to examine what are the vital character traits of the kind of woman that a “good guy” should be courting.

II. The Only Kind of Woman that a “Good Guy” Should Court

1) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who is spiritual, studious and serious — though not in an intellectual or overly-bookish manner. The studiousness of which I am speaking is not based on intellectual prowess but on curiosity and a passion for learning about everything, especially the things of God. Because she is serious, she will therefore be a genuine disciple of Christ and will be developing herself through “doing the work” and will thus be beyond pettiness and narrowmindedness. It is most important that she is a genuinely regenerated soul or that “good guy” will have innumerable problems with her, on which I will now elaborate.

If you do become “unequally yoked” with an unregenerated woman, you will discover that there is a vast world of difference between her and a regenerated one. It is the difference between a nightmare marriage and a dream one. For there can be no meeting point between the two, any more than there can be one between Christ and Belial (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). A believer and an unbeliever are two entirely different animals. This needs to be firmly understood. The unregenerate mind is obsessed with itself, which manifests in so many different ways: Always seeking external gratification rather than experiencing inward contentment; constantly prone to feeling offended or getting ‘bent out of shape’ by the words of others which they so easily misunderstand because of their oversized sensibilities; feeling bored when they are not the centre of attention or when they perceive that there are no external stimuli; incessant feelings of dissatisfaction; relentlessly haunted by fears of abandonment; easily given to envy and/or baseless jealousy; the persistent need to control the actions and behaviour of others around them; the desire to complain about absolutely everything; the need to make everyone else fit into their plans; the endless experience of emptiness as the driving force in their lives. This list showing the ‘creative’ ways in which the unregenerate mind is obsessed with itself could go on and on.

The believer and unbeliever are entirely different animals because the believer has the inner experience of the reality of God as kindled by His Spirit. There is no doubt of this mighty fact in the believer’s mind. It is simply the ever-present reality and benevolent controller of his or her behaviour. Because this spiritual cup has been innerly filled, so many neuroses become entirely redundant. This removes slavish dependence on any external emotional needs, the removal of which is vital for any relationship to be successful. Whereas the unbeliever is continually driven by those needs. Their lives revolve around them, undermining their equilibrium and rendering them extremely unstable.

Yes, a believer and an unbeliever are two entirely different animals. Because appearances can be so deceptive, you may imagine that you are with a “Christian” woman, but if it turns out that she is not, then you must always remember that an unregenerate woman will be entirely untrustworthy, for she has no conscience or sense of culpability or any kind of accountability whatsoever, especially so regarding any accountability to a genuinely Christian man. Even if a woman may initially seem like the sweetest of girls and her favourable physical attributes may suck you in if you are less vigilant than you should be (see Proverbs 31:30!), if she is not a genuine disciple of Christ I can assure you that she has a very different conscience to yours. Furthermore, she thinks that she is not answerable to a Higher Power (God) and she will be infinitely more likely to scheme, cheat, lie, betray, demean and belittle. Moreover, if you have been even gently confronting her about her behaviour, I can guarantee that she will be talking to others (e.g., relatives and even other guys) about you behind your back. She will be telling them how toxic and abusive you are and how trapped she feels and those ‘simps’ will be soaking it all up and commiserating with her, thereby feeding her sense of victimhood. Aside from having easily bamboozled relatives, undeveloped women always need to keep one or more ‘side-guys’ in the background who will ‘simp’ all over them when they are “distressed”. Always remember that unregenerate women bitterly resent others (especially God’s people) holding them accountable or telling them that they are crazy. They will insist that it is you who is crazy and that is what they will tell their list of friends (aka enablers). [NB: A ‘simp’ is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as “a person, in particular a man, who is excessively attentive or submissive to someone in whom they are romantically or sexually interested”].

Oh, and by the way, going on a “Christian” dating website isn’t necessarily going to cut it. (You know… all that “Christian💘Cupid” nonsense!). A great many of those calling themselves “Christians” these days are not necessarily genuine disciples of Christ and are into all kinds of convoluted charismatic claptrap along with much other false teaching. Many can also be quite legalistic and controlling. Most of them have therefore not made much progress in their development and will still be a nightmare to live with, full of neuroses and screwed-up behaviour that will turn you upside-down, inside-out, and every-which-way but due North. My advice: Steer clear of all dating sites — especially so-called “Christian” dating sites — or you will get yourself a real ‘pig-in-a-poke’. Genuine “good guys” do not need to waste time hunting on “Christian” dating sites or any other kind of dating site. Ask God to send you someone in His time and in His way and perchance He will, if you are ready for it.

2) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who is non-contentious. As the proverb rightly states: “It is better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a contentious woman” (Proverbs 21:9; 25:24). Even more so, “Better to live in the desert than with a contentious and ill-tempered wife” (Proverbs 21:19). In Proverbs 27:15-16, it is plainly stated that a contentious woman is likened to the torture of “constant dripping on a rainy day”, and trying to control that behaviour would be like “holding back the wind or grasping oil with one’s right hand”!

Instead, the “good guys” should ardently seek out women who have “a gentle and tranquil spirit” (1 Peter 3:4) — someone deeply spiritual who is not given to being temperamental or argumentative, with hysterical outbursts, or whingeing frustration, or one who is continually dissatisfied with her situation, as so many woman are these days. The very last thing that you need — as a “good man” making your weary way in this evil, fallen world — is a woman for whom almost everything you say seems to lead to an emotional meltdown. For much more information about this indispensable “gentle and tranquil spirit”, please read my article, “The Challenge to Modern Womanhood: Rediscovering the Gentle and Tranquil Spirit”, which you will find here: https://diakrisis-project.com/2026/02/23/the-challenge-to-modern-womanhood-rediscovering-the-gentle-and-tranquil-spirit/ .

3) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who defers to his wisdom because she is also womanly wise herself. The right kind of woman for him will take his lead and defer to his wisdom, knowing that — as a “good man” — all that he has been through to get to where he is today has made him what he is. Because of this, and because he will have “done the work”, a “good man” is always wise to some degree; and he will choose a wise woman, or one who has the potential to be so.

The kind of womanly wisdom to which I am referring is exemplified in Proverbs 31:10-31. She is a woman “who opens her mouth with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (v.26). This is someone in whom her man can have “full confidence and who brings him good and not harm all the days of her life” (vv.11-12). The womanly wisdom which the New Testament writings emphasise involves inner peace, gentle speech, and a willing spirit as the qualities to search for in a potential life companion (e.g., 1 Peter 3:3-4; Titus 2:3-5). A “good guy” requires a woman who is sympatico with him and who shares the same kind of ‘energy’ and ‘vibes’ as his. Only a truly regenerate soul could do so. This is why that womanly wisdom is so necessary.

4) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who is self-aware. So many women seem to have no self-awareness whatsoever. They act out in various spontaneous (even crazy) ways, living on their strung-out emotions, yet have no understanding of why they do so. Self-awareness is a vital process of mind which enables a person to understand why they do what they do or say what they say, so that when they begin to do or say something they will have the ability to ensure that comes from a good place and that it also ‘lands’ in a good place.

5) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who is satisfied in herself. When she is regenerated by the Spirit of God and is “doing the work” of cleansing and progression in faith and action, this means that she could never become bored or be a beacon of dissatisfaction. Such a woman is not with a man because of any unfulfilled neurotic needs left over from childhood, for that is always a recipe for co-dependent disaster. There is instead an inner calmness about such a woman which is beautifully infectious and it spreads throughout the home like a contagion. And that is just as it should be.

6) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who wholly appreciates him for who and what he is. This means that she will take a real and genuine interest in his work and achievements. Someone will probably chime up here: “Yeah, but what about him? Does he just ignore her?” That is a typical feminist-style deflection remark. It goes without saying that precisely because he really is a “good guy”, he will always have her best interests at heart and take great interest in, and encourage her in, her abilities and achievements, otherwise he wouldn’t be a “good guy”! But this little article is addressed to the “good guys” regarding their potential life-partner.

7) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who listens to him patiently. She would never yawn in the middle of him sharing something with her, or turn away from him or, worse, ignore him while she chats on her phone. She knows that he is a serious man, that he has great patience with her, and that he is always interested to know what is going on with her. So she gives herself to him too and makes him the centre of her life, for she knows that she is the centre of his.

8) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who would defend him to the hilt. Genuinely “good guys” will often stick their necks out, take risks for truth, and may have to enter dark realms in order to uphold it. This is because “good guys” do not remain silent in the face of injustice and evil. They call it out! Thus, they need a woman who will walk with them and support them all the way — someone they know that they can rely on to the uttermost and who will never undermine them. She will be there even in the deepest, darkest moments.

9) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who offers him a haven of peace. As a “good guy”, you want someone who brings peace into your world — someone who is patient, easily contented, not given to constant complaints, or incessantly pointing out the obvious to you because she cannot resist controlling you.

The last thing that a “good guy” needs is someone who is often disgruntled or dissatisfied. When you have to do battle out there in the world (as all “good guys” do), you need to come home to a place which brings you consolation and peace, not conflict and disturbance, dissension and hostility. Again, I say, a “good guy” requires a woman who is sympatico with him and who shares the same kind of ‘energy’ and ‘vibes’ as his.

10) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who does not suffer from chronic defensiveness. There is a certain kind of woman (of which there are many these days) who is always extremely reactionary, “on the back foot”, constantly ready to take offence at what is being said, or to take things the wrong way. In the end, it is hardly worth speaking to such a woman because she will not properly hear what you are saying because of her contrary expectations which make her pass everything you say through a corrupted filter. That is all one big red flag for a unfruitful marriage.

11) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who has a realistic rather than manufactured self-image. What do I mean by this? Well, a realistic self-image is one which is based on reality. The preferred woman for a “good guy” is one who sees herself clearly, who knows that she is even-tempered, spiritually deep, a real man’s woman, and values all that because she knows that it brings him joy. But yet she also knows that if and when she falls short of being that preferred woman she will always do everything she can to try and improve in those areas.

However, the woman who has a manufactured self-image is one who either has an exaggerated view of herself based on narcissistic or hubristic delusions, or she has an extremely poor view of herself which has been inculcated through abusive parents or significant others. While a “good guy” will be sympathetic and sensitive to the emotional issues of others, including his spouse, he does not want to be her incessant therapist! In any case, such a screwed-up individual is not going to be a good mother, and a “good guy” will not choose her to be the mother of his children. She must therefore find ways of demolishing the manufactured image she has of herself so that she can have a realistic one.

12) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who is willing to share his interests and general worldview. As a “good man”, you will very naturally have strong interests in this world. The kind of woman that you are looking for should be willing to take an interest in your interests (and vice versa). It does not mean that neither of you can have an interest or two which are unique to you both based on your gifts and abilities (and each will support the other in following them). However, the kind of woman which a “good guy” should be with will be willing to throw herself into the interests of her man. For when you share a number of interests together then something precious happens. As the saying goes, “The family that plays together stays together”. Indeed.

13) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who always offers him fierce loyalty, unwavering supportiveness and absolute trust. Those are qualities which can never be faked and when they are those of your woman then you are a very fortunate man. Surely, I do not need to say anything further about these qualities because they are self-explanatory.

14) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who is clearly not a gold-digger in disguise. I say “in disguise” because an overt gold-digger would be an obvious ‘red flag’ for a “good guy” as he is not going to waste his heard-earned resources on such a superficial, grasping, materialistic character as that. But interestingly there are plenty of so-called “trad wife” types who have cleverly bagged a rich guy and are revelling in their “trad wife” status on social media as “influencers” (yuk!). Many of the “trad wife” types that I have checked out are ‘glamourous’ women married to very wealthy men. It would be interesting to see how they would fare with a man of ‘lesser’ status. All I can say to you “good guys” is beware of women who don’t mind being a “trad wife” if it is just a stealthy means to your resources and their life of ease. If you are already hitched to someone you suspect is a stealthy gold-digger rather than a genuine “trad wife”, just ask her how she would feel about you doing something else which is more meaningful but it will mean a lower salary and see if attitudes then change!

15) The only kind of woman that a “good guy” should court is one who has a keen sense of humour and can even laugh at herself. The last kind of wife that a “good guy” needs is one who is a ‘misery-guts’, always complaining and in a gloomy, forlorn condition. “Good guys” need a woman who is generally positive and upbeat (in a genuine manner), able to see the funny side of things, and not one who is the equivalent of a hormonally-challenged disturbed teenager! Light and lovely should be the order of things in a healthy household. A “good guy” will bring that; but will your chosen lady do so? That is the question; and the answer needs to be “yes!”

Epilogue

I hope that I have encouraged you “good guys” to hold out for a woman of (spiritual) substance. But what if you have already found yourself in a nightmare marriage and the woman you have married does not square up to any of these criteria, and may even be unregenerated? Then you must ask the same questions you should always ask in times of peril or adversity: Why is this happening? What is God showing me? What lessons am I supposed to learn? How am I to deal with it in the most efficient and spiritually successful manner? The responses will lead you in the right direction, which will generally always be an educational one rather than providing an escape route!

If you deliberately married an unbeliever, despite what Paul says so clearly in 2 Corinthians 6:13-14, then you are reaping the fruits of your folly and must therefore pay the inevitable price in chastisement. If you are a “good guy” you will be able to understand this and act willingly and attempt some spiritually-transformative stuff to deal with the situation. It may and probably will not be easy. But “good guys” are problem-solvers and are objective enough to take full cognisance of the dilemma, which could take years to metamorphose.

However, if you married someone who you thought was a believer but later discovered she was not, this is not grounds for a divorce and you must live with this woman as your secret ‘thorn in the flesh’ — a kind of ‘penance’ to keep you on your toes — and hope that your own faith will somehow bear fruit in her life rather than increasing her resistance and unpleasantness. (One could cite 1 Corinthians 7:12 here, though it is not precisely identical because Paul is referring to a situation in which a man becomes a believer who already has a spouse who is not a believer. But I am sure that the same principle would apply if you discovered that the woman you married is spiritually not who you thought she was).

Anyway, the above were just a few little thoughts for you, especially if you are numbered among the “good guys” that so many think do not exist anymore.

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© Copyright, Alan Morrison, 2026
[The copyright on my works is merely to protect them from any wanton plagiarism which could result in undesirable changes (as has actually happened!). Readers are free to reproduce my work, so long as it is in the same format and with the exact same content and its origin is acknowledged]

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