FROM TIME-TO-TIME people say to me, “Are you happy?” Or they assume that I must be happy because I do not complain, or because I live in a pleasant rural situation, or because I engage in creative projects which appear to be fulfilling. I usually reply by saying, “What is happiness?”, or if that is too enigmatic I may say that I do not really believe in happiness — well, not the kind of “happiness” which has to come through doing things, or experiencing things, or feeling things, or owning things, or through any kind of relationships. Frankly, I would find it impossible (uncomfortable) to achieve that kind of “happiness” in a world which is shot through with so much suffering, cruelty, and madness. When one has empathy and compassion, that kind of “happiness” is a luxury which cannot be afforded. That kind of “happiness” is essentially self-centred and can easily morph into a kind of narcissism, so that when one is not achieving it one feels hard done by and then plays the victim.

Then people say, “Well if you cannot find happiness then you must be depressed”. To which I reply that I do not want that kind of “happiness”, for I believe that it is based on an illusory way of thinking and chasing. And, no, I am not at all depressed as that is just the other side of the coin of chasing after an illusory “happiness” through relationships, experiences, or ‘things’. In that kind of “happiness”, the alcoholic is “happy” when he or she has had a drink; the relationship junkie is “happy” in someone’s arms (for now), the consumerist is “happy” each time a new thing is acquired; the experience junkie is “happy” when doing stuff; the emotion junkie is “happy” when undergoing heightened feelings. The believer in this illusory kind of happiness is only “happy” when circumstances are going how he or she wants them to go.

Then they would say, “So what do you do for fun then?” Classic response. So I reply that I am not interested in “fun” as the world sees it. I can take momentary pleasure and smile when the sun suddenly strikes my cheek on a cloudy day; when a wren suddenly sings from inside a hedgerow as I walk past; when I see a dog chasing its tail; when I see a flower bloom; when I see the smile on the horizon some time before the sun rises; when I catch the eye of a baby who grins at me from a pram; when I hear an owl in a forest in the dead of night; when I get caught in a huge thunderstorm and am soaked to the skin on a cycle ride; and many other such wonders. But these are all temporary, as is this whole world. And this is the problem with the conventional idea of “happiness”: It is always dependent on exterior factors and it is always temporary. This is why I do not chase it.

The real issue for me is this: How does one manage to have a permanent state of soul by which no matter what ‘good’ or ‘bad’ thing happens to one in this life one always has this subtle, quiet backdrop of inner contentment and quiet joy? This world is really a “vale of tears”, and more so each day. It is not a venue in which one can, or even should, achieve personal happiness. That is not what this gift of life is for. One is really in this material world in order to be weaned off it and to see it as an illusory theatre and testing ground which has no lasting foundation in itself. In other words, true happiness (if that word is even appropriate) can only be found spiritually, interiorly. Until one has begun to base one’s life on that interior spiritual foundation, one will be chasing illusions.

Normally, when I speak like this, many become incensed and feel personally slighted, assuming that I do not care about all the people who are suffering in this world. But that is a false assumption. I care very much and have devoted much of my life to doing what I can to help others and counsel them, if they are open to that. But while one may be able to help people materially or emotionally for a while, unless they are willing to seek spiritual counsel, that material/emotional help will not be a profound long-term (even eternal!) solution. When I have mentioned this, many have said in a scathing manner, “Spiritual is just psychological”. In some instances, that is true. For example, much of New Age “spirituality” is just psychological manipulation via (mostly expensive!) therapies masquerading as spiritual. But what if there is such a spirituality that is not based on mere psychology but on an astonishing reality?

Some forty-two years ago, I had reached the end of my tether. I had finally come to realise that “happiness” in this world is an illusion. I had stumbled from one debacle to another and personally experienced the illusory nature of worldly happiness. I had been through the whole gamut of New Age experience, was into the existentialists such as Jean-Paul Sartre, along with being into various eastern gurus who seemed to speak some sense (e.g. Jiddu Krishnamurti and Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj) rather than those who sought adulation and advocated hedonism (e.g. Sri Bhagwan Rajneesh, aka Osho). I had been a mover and shaker in the peace movement, starting a peace camp on an RAF/USAF air-base, and so on. But I finally realised that all these religious and philosophical things were still locked into worldly illusions and an illusory “enlightenment”.

So, one night, forty-two years ago, I came face-to-face with that spiritual reality which I knew was missing from my life. Here is what I wrote about it later in a spiritual autobiography:

“That night, as I was sitting on the edge of my bed thinking that my entire existence had come to a dead end and what further use could I possibly be — though longing to be of use, for I had never forgotten hearing a Bible reading in the school chapel two decades earlier which spoke of the prophet Isaiah saying “Lord, send me!” — a life-changing experience occurred. I wasn’t at all depressed, just kind of empty and hovering over a void with a poignant “What comes next?” question screaming itself into my soul. This is the experience of a flawed human being who will no longer accept the stifling normality of the material life — who wants to burst out of the straitjacket of bodily existence — who regrets earlier folly deeply and wishes to turn everything around, grow, develop, become who and what he was really meant to be.
Just then, out of nowhere, the indelible impression came into my mind of the Christ assuring me that He was right there and readily available in whatever capacity I required to be inspired. I knew it was Him instantly. It was Light, and I knew He said that He is the Light of this world. It was in words, but I only heard the impression of them in my heart, as if the words themselves were Light verbally manifested. I wasn’t certain how they had been said but I heard them anyway. In precis, it was something like “I am here!” Amazed, I simply said: “Please help me! Please show me the way! I can’t do this on my own and I’ve made a mess of things”. I felt a giving up of myself to the higher Power which invisibly hovered there — as if I had stepped onto a pathway from which there was no turning back and which had been beckoning me for longer than I could remember — maybe even from before I was born (it very much feels that way)”.

That experience set me on a completely new trajectory in life which was empowered by my realisation of who the Christ is and what He has accomplished through His brief life and death, coupled with the leading of an ever-present Holy Spirit. From that moment on, it increasingly no longer mattered what happened to me in this life exteriorly because there was this interior reality. Even though I have suffered in innumerable ways since then, and still do — and am subject to all manner of ‘thorns in the flesh’ — that inner conviction that there is something astonishing beyond this material sphere, this theatrical testing-ground, is what overrides it all. Sceptical folks can dismiss all this as “psychological rather than spiritual”, but I take comfort in the fact that this all happened without any manipulative preparation and came completely ‘out of the blue’ in an utterly surprising manner. I was not readied for it, but I was plainly ready for it!

Of course, I had so much to learn from that point on — not only in terms of Bible study and theology (if I may use that term) in general, but also about human nature. But I was like a baby with a mass of new synapses waiting to be connected in some new kind of brain. One will correspondingly develop in wisdom and discernment. Since then, I have been tested beyond measure, have experienced all manner of personal disappointments, human viciousness, extreme mendacity and other strange behaviours being hurled at me, along with an intense empathy for all human suffering. (I have even wandered somewhat off the pathway for a time after the opposition became too much — though never again, for such experiences strengthen us rather than ruin us when we are God’s children). But I now had a matrix to understand where all this comes from — which not only involves human folly but also demonic intervention. Yes, demons (and good angels) are real, and one needs the utmost protection. I discovered that this can only be found through a relationship with the Christ, otherwise one is ‘all over the place’ and in chaos.

Saying all this will be like a red rag to a bull for many people. They think that it sounds smug and feel that you are putting yourself on a higher plane than them, which is not the case at all, for you are merely trying to be a spiritual ‘knight’ pointing them in the direction of something which will change their lives. Once one speaks in this way, many become highly dismissive and resentful, which I have experienced many times. But I also know that there will be those who will receive it and who will then hopefully allow it to apply to them. You, too, can call out to Jesus from the bottom of your heart, for He is always ready to receive a penitent soul. It will not mean that your life will become ‘hunky-dory’ from that point on — far from it! But you will have a completely different understanding of everything… and I mean everything, because a new reality will be in action.

The world is in an ‘interesting’ phase right now. Many prophecies are beginning to be fulfilled and the world is in turmoil. This turmoil has also infected the visible church, for the outward church that you see is not the same as the true Church, the Ekklesia, which is known as “the body of Christ”. So many churches are unfaithful to Christ and teach a great many falsehoods or they do not teach anything of any value at all and merely function as social clubs for those who crave company. They are usually the most visible. There is, of course, an exceptional minority of churches which are faithful and filled with transformed people who love God and who have aligned themselves with His Christ without reservation. Finding one such today is an art. This, too, is a fulfilment of prophecy. For this world will come to an end someday, and all the events of today are building up to that. We are on the cusp of the most sinister development of so-called Artificial Intelligence and Transhumanism, involving the use of electronic artefacts to create “Posthumans” and “Human 2.0”, all of which is the result of extreme humanism, demonic influence and a resultant atheistic counterfeiting of human development.

Fierce, grievous and terrible times will be coming upon this earth in the not-too-distant future. An apostasy, both secular and religious which is beyond human imagining, is already underway. By apostasy, I mean an abandonment of faithful allegiance to something, or the renunciation of moral principles, or a complete betrayal of religious or spiritual affiliation. Alternative expressions would be ‘falling away’ or ‘utter rebellion’. To apostatise represents a disintegration of moral and spiritual principles into godless betrayal, dissolution, debauchery, degeneracy, or licentiousness. Apostasy is not a mere falling away from the faith by the outwardly previously faithful (i.e., a purely religious apostasy). It is an all-out revolt against natural and Divine law, a mass global rebellion against God the Creator by the created, an increasingly insistent denial that the Christ has come in the flesh, and the resultant hubristic promotion of the self above all else. The manifestation of this, too, is prophecy in action.

One day, this world in its present form of sin, death and corruption will pass away. But a new Divinely-fashioned creation will take its place, and those who align themselves with the Christ as His disciples in this present doomed world will be the population of that new creation. This will be the eternal result of that moment when you sit on the edge of your bed, or the edge of wherever, and cry out with remorse to Jesus the Christ to change your life and bring you into His family. When you do so, from that point on, you will no longer be seeking a personal, worldly, illusory “happiness” but you will have a firm and immovable inward conviction of something which goes way beyond that and which will colour your soul with a secret joy which will carry you through even the worst of experiences in this life. You will find yourself saying, as an Apostle said around AD 61, “I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances”. This is the true happiness, but I would never describe it as such, for “happiness” would not be an adequate word for such an extraordinary reality.

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© Copyright, Alan Morrison, 2026
[The copyright on my works is merely to protect them from any wanton plagiarism which could result in undesirable changes (as has actually happened!). Readers are free to reproduce my work, so long as it is in the same format and with the exact same content and its origin is acknowledged]

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